1-2-1s that Build Trust and Clarity
When I think about the best 1-2-1s I’ve had - both as a leader and as someone being led - they all had one thing in common: they weren’t just status updates.
For me, 1-2-1s are the single most valuable tool a leader has for building trust, surfacing issues early, and helping people grow. Here’s the approach I take, shaped by years in engineering management and now as a coach.
1. Make it about them, not you
A 1-2-1 isn’t a “download session” for your priorities. It’s their space first.
I start by asking open questions and giving them control over the first agenda items:
- “What’s on your mind right now?”
- “What’s getting in the way this week?”
That shift alone can move the conversation from transactional updates to transformational dialogue.
2. Listen like it matters (because it does)
My volunteer work with Shout UK reinforced this: active listening builds trust.
In a 1-2-1, that means:
- Not rushing to fill silence
- Reflecting back what I’ve heard
- Noticing tone, pace, and body language
It’s surprising how much someone will share when they feel you’re fully present.
3. Balance short-term blockers with long-term growth
I split the conversation into two sections:
- Immediate priorities – What’s blocking progress or causing friction this week?
- Future focus – Skills, career goals, and leadership development.
If you only cover the first, you’ll get the work done but miss the opportunity to grow the person.
4. Make it psychologically safe
If people are holding back, you won’t hear what you need to. I model vulnerability first—sharing challenges I’ve faced, decisions I’ve wrestled with, or mistakes I’ve made.
This signals: “It’s safe to be honest here.”
5. Always close with clarity
Before wrapping up, I recap the key points and next steps, checking they match their view. This prevents assumptions and makes sure both of us leave knowing exactly what’s next.
Key takeaway
A 1-2-1 is more than a meeting, it’s a commitment. The value comes from showing up consistently, listening deeply, and making it safe to speak honestly. Do that, and you’ll unlock insights you’d never hear in a stand-up or project review.
Want to run 1-2-1s that your team actually looks forward to?
I help tech leaders design and deliver 1-2-1s that build trust, uncover blind spots, and keep teams engaged.