How to Manage Someone Who Used to Be Your Peer
The trust feels off.
Everything’s changed.
It’s not about sprint velocity or story points anymore - it’s about trust, emotions, and dynamics.
This isn’t a process problem. It’s a relationship challenge.
The Real Challenge for Tech Managers
When someone feels replaced or overlooked, no framework will fix it.
People fix that.
Leading a former colleague means balancing empathy with authority - showing you see them as a person, not just as a report.
What Actually Helped Me
✅ Naming the discomfort – saying out loud that things feel strange.
✅ Asking, not assuming – “What’s been hardest about this change?”
✅ Leading with empathy, not ego – showing humility, not hierarchy.
Presence beats process every time.
Why This Matters for Tech Managers and Organisations
“Managers account for 70% of the variance in team engagement - they make or break the employee experience.”
- Gallup
High engagement isn’t just a vibe - it’s a competitive advantage:
- +23% profitability for engaged teams
- –51% turnover where trust and safety are high
Ignore the human side and performance unravels.
Why I Care About Supporting Tech Managers
I’ve been there - promoted above a peer without guidance or support.
Now, I coach engineering managers and tech leads through the same transition so they can:
- Rebuild trust without losing authority
- Navigate post-promotion tension
- Lead with clarity, confidence, and care
Because you can’t process trust into a team.
You create space for it to grow.
That’s real leadership.
Want to Talk It Through?
If you’re managing someone who used to be your peer and want a sounding board -
Book a free coaching conversation.