When you become the manager of people who were once your peers, you quickly realise that history doesn’t equal trust. The dynamics change overnight: you’re still you, but the role isn’t. Here’s what I actually learnt making that shift.
Trust isn’t automatic - it must be built intentionally
Being known as a capable teammate didn’t automatically translate into confidence in me as a manager. Early on, a senior leader around the team still held influence over priorities. Out of respect, I delegated heavily - in hindsight, that blurred my authority and clarity.
I also experienced what happens when you’re assigned a new team member without any say in hiring. That erodes trust at the edges. The learning: question decisions that affect your team, and advocate to be involved in building it.
Relationships are the foundation, not a by‑product
Inheriting peers as direct reports meant shifting from “one of us” to “responsible for us.” I learnt that relationship‑building is the work - not something you squeeze in once during delivery. Consistent 1:1s, informal conversations, and showing I was invested in their success, not just their output, made the difference.
Respect goes both ways
Credibility didn’t come bundled with the job title. I had to show value by removing blockers, advocating for the team, and making fair, transparent decisions. Over‑respecting existing informal leaders could unintentionally signal I wasn’t leading - another useful lesson.
The shift from doing to enabling
As a former peer, it was tempting to “just get it done” myself. The real step‑change was trusting the team to deliver and focusing on creating the environment where they could. Less proving myself technically; more making leadership impact visible.
Psychological safety isn’t optional
Peers can hold back concerns when the “new boss” hat appears. I learnt to make space for honest feedback - often by sharing my own vulnerabilities first. Over time, we moved from guarded compliance to open collaboration.
Key takeaway
Becoming the manager of peers is a balancing act between respect and authority, familiarity and objectivity. The shift isn’t about stepping up so much as stepping differently: listen more, influence with intent, and build trust through consistent actions.
Thinking about your first leadership step (or your next one)?
If you’re a first‑time engineering manager or a leader navigating this transition, I can help you build trust fast, create psychological safety, and lead with clarity.