What I Learnt Becoming the Manager of Peers
When you become the manager of people who were once your peers, you quickly learn that history doesn’t equal trust.
The dynamics change overnight: you’re still you, but the role isn’t.
Here’s what I actually learnt making that shift.
Trust Isn’t Automatic - It Must Be Built Intentionally
Being known as a capable teammate didn’t automatically translate into confidence in me as a manager.
Early on, a senior leader around the team still held influence over priorities.
Out of respect, I delegated heavily - in hindsight, that blurred my authority and clarity.
I also experienced what happens when you’re assigned a new team member without any say in hiring.
That erodes trust at the edges.
The learning: question decisions that affect your team, and advocate to be involved in building it.
Relationships Are the Foundation, Not a By-Product
Inheriting peers as direct reports meant shifting from “one of us” to “responsible for us.”
I learnt that relationship-building is the work - not something you fit in around delivery.
Regular 1-2-1s, informal conversations, and showing I was invested in their success, not just their output, made all the difference.
Respect Goes Both Ways
Credibility doesn’t come bundled with the job title.
I had to show value by removing blockers, advocating for the team, and making transparent, fair decisions.
Over-respecting existing informal leaders can unintentionally signal you’re not leading.
Real leadership means listening - but also standing firm when needed.
The Shift From Doing to Enabling
As a former peer, it was tempting to “just get it done” myself.
The real transformation was learning to trust the team to deliver and focus instead on creating the environment where they could.
Less proving myself technically.
More amplifying others’ strengths and making leadership impact visible.
Psychological Safety Isn’t Optional
Peers often hold back concerns when the “new boss” hat appears.
I learnt to make space for honesty - often by sharing my own vulnerabilities first.
Over time, we moved from guarded compliance to open collaboration.
Key Takeaway
Becoming the manager of peers is a balancing act between respect and authority, familiarity and objectivity.
It’s not about stepping up - it’s about stepping differently: listening more, influencing with intent, and building trust through consistent action.
Thinking About Your First Leadership Step?
If you’re a first-time engineering manager or transitioning to lead peers, I can help you build trust fast, create psychological safety, and lead with clarity.
Book a free chemistry call